Friday, January 6, 2012

Friday Fictioneers: Unexpected Complications

Mordecai was most displeased. It was tedious enough disposing of a body without the complication of unexpected snowfall. The winds had piled it deeply and unevenly over his dumping site.

He'd no sooner completed his work when the great, snuffling beast of a dog had appeared.
It gamboled about, attempting to engage him in play. When the creature began to dig in the snow near the body, its doom was sealed.

The heavy shovel made short work of the canine annoyance. Mordecai sighed. He was cold and tired and now had one more hole to fill before he could rest.

8 comments:

  1. Hi Jeffery,

    Ouch. Doesn't do to be a playful dog in Mordecai's neighborhood, does it? I liked the story. (One complication for me was the question of whether the ground would have made digging a hole nearly impossible. Small point, but it made me wonder.)

    Nice to meet you. Haven't read any of your writing before. looking forward to the chance now.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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  2. Good piece. One suggestion. Instead of "It gamboled about, attempting to engage him in play" (which is summary/abstract), how about more descriptive and visceral language? (Something like, "a short-haired mut shot out from the swamp, sniffing and scrabbling at the snow . . . I hurled the blunt end of the shove down and the dog screeched, whimpered . . . well you get the idea!)

    My piece this week is here: http://joelerner.blogspot.com/2012/01/0420.html

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  3. Douglas,
    Thanks for the feedback. My premise is that, when one needs to dispose of a body, the energy to dig is intensified to whatever level necessary *shrug* Thanks for the read & hope you enjoy my other offerings.

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  4. Joe,
    I chose to involve the dog as a diversion or annoyance rather than a key player. Mordecai's interest in it began and ended with it being an unwanted addition. Thus, he didn't care to pay it much attention. Thanks for your feedback.

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  5. Definitely creepy. Not sure I'd much like hanging out with Mordecai.

    Also, just so you know, you're link on Madison's page doesn't take you straight to your story, but to your homepage, and since it's not the most recent story, it's maybe not as obvious?

    Here's mine: http://thecolorlime.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/the-driveway-100/

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  6. Yep, definitely creepy. The fact that he has a 'dumping ground' says a lot about the character of Mordecai.

    Thanks for posting today!

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  7. Mordecai is a freak and I definitely don't want him in my neighborhood!
    Well written dark fiction!

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  8. A nice little vignette of what seems to be a serial murderer with obviously a complete compassion bypass. Killing people is okay, but killing a dog? A monster!
    I really liked "...the great, snuffling beast of a dog... It gamboled about, attempting to engage him in play." That description made it all the worse that bad Mordecai killed him.

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