Friday, March 9, 2012

The Bar Of Justice


Ole preacher man used ta say in the “fullness o’ times”, we was all gonna stand a-fore the bar o’ justice and answer fer our evils. Lordy, weren’t he sour-faced when I yelled out as I hoped they’d have whiskey at that there bar.
Reckon I’ll know all too soon. That bastard, Luke, done snuck over durin’ the night and pried a stone outta the wall of this ole smokehouse they got me in. Figger it amuses him, me watchin’ as they build that gallows. It do seem fair enough as it were his sister I done kilt last night.

14 comments:

  1. Hi Jeffrey: Your 1st paragraph had me chuckling ...until I read the 2nd paragraph. Great lead in and nice turn-a-round. You captured this old coot's character and personality. Nice work.
    Here's mine: www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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  2. Great voice and twist. Made me laugh then cry, all in 100 words. Well done.

    Here's mine: http://teschoenborn.com/2012/03/09/friday-fictioneers/

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  3. I guess you done did get what's comin' to ya. Great story, Jeffrey. Loved the last line.

    Here's mine - a little different:
    http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/03/at-gates-100words-for-fridayfictioneers.html

    Siobhan

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  4. Man oh man. First we're sympathetic and then we see who it is and then maybe we're still a little sympathetic, if only because death is a steep price to pay, even for murder.

    Nice job unfolding the story. Very impressive.

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  5. I agree with the other comments, nicely done!

    I'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/03/09/friday-fictioneers-16/

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  6. Yep...this is my favorite so far today. Well written, great voice, even better story. Whiskey at the bar - best line in the piece! Gave me quite a laugh. Good stuff!

    ~Susan (Here's mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)

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  7. Another use of language that reminds me of Todd Hewitt in Patrick Ness' "The Knife of Never Letting Go", with phonetic language in place of proper spelling, to convey that sense of an almost simplistic mind.
    What a wonderful mixture of humour and darkness, leaving us feeling a little guilty for initially liking the character...


    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/03/09/fridayfictioneers-is-it-safe/

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  8. Getting as much revenge as he could! Nice telling.

    My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/03/08/hiding/

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  9. Dear Jeffrey,

    A fine piece of storytelling. Led us around like an Aikido Master before slamming us against that rigid noose as the trap door whistled by. Good job.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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  10. Hi Jeffrey,
    Great use of dialect in this story. The story is rambling, but that fits with the character of the narrator. Good strong ending.
    Here's mine: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

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  11. Speaking in tongues in cheek? clever take on the prompt and clever bit of dialoge monologue. good job.
    Here is mine: http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

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  12. Jeffrey, Enjoyed the accent you used AND the great way you "flipped" the story. Great job.

    Mine: www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

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  13. Great technique at making us like the real bastard in that story, LOL! Enjoyed that, thanks.

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